It's 12:30 in the evening (Philippine time), I became suddenly emotional about what's happening in my life. I thought of my goals and dreams in life way back when I was still undectable from the sonar of HIV/ AIDS radar.
My goals and dreams are:
To have a son or a daughter of my own.
Yes, that's correct! I want to have a kid of my own. Actually I was asking my friends if they know any girls who want to carry my child and in return I'll give her money and a 9 months all expenses paid, worry free caring. Provided that after giving birth she will sign a document that she will not run after the child. You're asking why not marry? Why don't you? Have you seen the statistics of marriages that's being annuled or divorced lately? Especially in my situation I experienced both worlds people it's like a switch sometimes you can turn it off and be straight again but most of the time it's on, you know what I mean? Another reason is, no offense to all the wives there but everytime I see couples fighting with one another mastering the art of throwing anything that they can grab. Oh man you won't believe me I experienced it first hand courtesy of my straight friends and their loving housewives. That's why I told myself "Bakit ako mag aasawa eh di parang kumuha ako ng bato na ipinukpok ko sa ulo ko!"
I believe that you cannot say that you are successfull unless you have a successor! I want to raise my on kid, nourish him/her with my love and affection, giving him/her what he/she needs. I am imagining myself going to Glorietta 4, there will be a minimum of 3 cars that will park along the driveway of Glorietta 4. The first car is a white Chevrolet Suburban, the second car is a white 7 series BMW and the third car is a white Toyota Landcruiser. All the drivers of these 3 cars are wearing all black uniform with headsets on their ears. The doors of the Chevrolet Suburban will open and 4 men also wearing their black uniforms with their headsets on their ears will go down and one of them will open the back door of the 7 series BMW. Wearing my cream Cuban shirt made by Bergamo paired with black khaki pants and black leather sandals I will go down together with my kid. At the same time additional 2 black uniformed men and 2 nanny's wearing their white uniform will go down from the Toyota Landcruiser and will follow us while we are roaming around the mall. You will ask "Why do you have alot of bodyguards?" Yes, I dreamed to be a politician at least to be a representative of our district in congress. But as soon as I came to my senses that I am bisexual, gay or homosexual whatever you may call it, I dropped the idea of being a politician. You will ask again "Why?" Simply because if you want your trash, secrets or your bad deeds to come out without making any effort the easiest way is to join politics and your enemies will do the job for you at their own expense, even if it's not true.
But all of these is now just a dream that will never come true. My doctor said that if ever I will get someone pregnant the chances of the mother and the child of getting infected with HIV is high. That's why I don't want to take the risk of getting them infected because I just want to have a kid. Now my goal is to make the life of other people better in my own sim ple way and not to ruin them.
It's so ironic many people will say to you especially in H4 Pavillion "Be Positive!" I always tell them "Aren't we POSITIVE already? and all of us we laugh. That's how we take things nowadays. But despite of this trial in my life I still continue to dream, I try to achieve my goals in life for without them there will be no reason for me to stay in this beautiful world.
That's why to all of you, continue to dream
even if it is......
The UNREACHABLE STAR!!!